[For the revised Tale of King Richard III please scroll down...]
Based on photo by Odejea
- Paperback: 128 pages
- Publisher: Derwen Publishing (December 11, 2012)
- ISBN-10: 1907084223
- ISBN-13: 978-1907084225
- £6.99 / $10.99
REVIEWS
Laugh out loud funny! These hilarious poems of fabulous facts and fiction are potted histories to read and read again that keep you laughing (and guessing!) long after you’ve read them. Hours of fun for children (if they can wrestle the book from their parents). From kings ‘plonked’ and ‘skewered’ to queens who can’t pass their ‘chariot driving test’, what’s not to love about this collection? The author has a terrific flair for creating historical rhyming verse in a format that is instantly engaging. I look forward to the sequel. Daryl Snelling, bookseller
In an age when English history is hardly taught in schools in the UK, let alone in other English speaking countries, this slim volume is likely to lift a corner of the dark curtain that covers the subject, and entice young minds once again to enjoy the (probably fictitious) accounts of Alfred burning the Cakes, or Canute ordering the tide back, and other anecdotes, whilst imbibing some worthwhile real historical facts. A nice psychologically grounded approach to making a potentially dull subject interesting to young minds. David R. Hill, Emeritus Professor, University of Calgary
Great verse! They would be good for schools… contain Hilaire Belloc touches. Tom Cox, former oil executive
Quite wonderful! Virginia Lloyd-Davies, former Publicity Officer to the Findhorn Foundation
EXTRACT
RICHARD III
[updated online version for the benefit of existing purchasers, as referenced at the bottom of page 3: not available as such in print]
Richard
the Third is seldom heard
above
the noise of lies absurd
put
out by Shakespeare, keen to pander
to
blatant Tudor propaganda.
Richard confirmed his status regal
by act of Parliament quite legal
and so did not usurp the throne,
which never was his nephew's own
whom people knew as Edward Five,
or might have known, if left alive,
because Ed’s parents, trusty deemed,
had not been quite what they had seemed.
This did not justify black tricks
such as they say were Tricky Dick’s,
but you can see where he was aiming
in crown and throne and power claiming.
That said, his kingship is disputed
with many ills to him imputed –
though high above all others lour
the princes ‘murdered’ in the Tower,
one of them young Ed Five, the king
whom he (he said) was sheltering.
And yet he Parliament restored,
extended learning, kept his word,
was kind to suppliants, helped the Church
and left no commerce in the lurch.
True, he was brutal with his foes,
but so they all were. So it goes!
But then the mighty blow befell –
he lost his son, his wife as well:
so if some claimant laid him low
the crown to someone else must go.
Thus, Henry Tudor took the field
against him, but Dick would not yield.
He charged at Henry when he lost
his allies, but he was unhorsed
just when he, laying two champions low,
was poised to strike the final blow.
‘My kingdom for a horse!’ he roared –
so says the play that Shakespeare scored –
and thereupon was Richard killed
beside a bush on Bosworth
Field,
hanging on which his crown was found
so that it never touched the ground –
a funny place to hang your hat,
but so he did, and that was that.
To Leicester
then his corpse was taken,
stretched naked on a horse, forsaken,
and buried where monks parked their cars
until unearthed to loud hurrahs.
In the cathedral re-interred
you’ll find him there quite soon, I've heard.
Who knows what crimes he did commit,
or ever did any of it?
He had no hump, he was not lame,
he had no blemish worth the name
(his spine, 'tis true, was rather twisted --
but in his clothes you could have missed it).
Blame Shakespeare for that merry tale,
whose talent must have been for sale
to anyone who had a feud or
was keen to boost the name of Tudor.
Blame, too, the great Sir Thomas More,
who’d written up his tale before
and couldn’t have been much less rude, or
he too’d have felt the axe of Tudor
upon his neck, accused of treason.
Decapitation’s quite a reason
for doing as they think you ought!
‘More than my life’s worth,’ he’d have
thought
(but then he bought that anyway,
as you will see along the way!…).
And so we have the sorry tale
of Richard Three: his fate bewail!
Fear fire or sword. Fear lies or candour.
But most of all fear propaganda!
[updated online version for the benefit of existing purchasers, as referenced at the bottom of page 3: not available as such in print]
by act of Parliament quite legal
and so did not usurp the throne,
He charged at Henry when he lost
his allies, but he was unhorsed
just when he, laying two champions low,
was poised to strike the final blow.
(his spine, 'tis true, was rather twisted --
but in his clothes you could have missed it).
EXTRACT FROM TRUTHFINDER [updated version for the benefit of existing purchasers: not available as such in print]:
RICHARD III (1452 to 1485)
'Sun/Son of York' and alleged usurper, supposed to have
murdered young Edward V and his brother in the Tower of London, and known to us
mainly through Shakespeare’s play – at least until his remains were recently
unearthed beneath a Leicester car park
‘Murder’
of princes Nobody
knows
Hung
his hat Or
dropped it!
Monks’
cars They didn't have any
‘More
than my life’s worth,’ he’d have thought. May
not be exact
The original book is now available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble and other outlets, including your local bookshop (in the UK, try your nearest castle shop). Just click on the links below, or at the top of the RH column -->
[Plans to publish the companion volume, Tall Tales of Ancient Queens and Kings, are currently on hold: watch this space for further announcements...]
